My Four Most Memorable Concerts in Chronological Order (I’m going to cheat for a variety of reasons)

1 & 2) Warped Tour- Invesco Field – 2003

I was 15 years old, and it was my first time I’d ever been to a concert without my parents. I went with my friend Josh. I don’t really remember a ton about it, but there are two things that really stand out from that day. The first was seeing a band whose name I don’t even remember, but they were the best live band I’ve ever seen. The lead singer climbed up the speakers, monkey barred his way out over the stage, and he continued singing with the mic in his free hand over the center of the stage. Then he fell. He hit the stage, and his band played while he laid there for what I remember being like 6 minutes. Then he got up and finished the show. At the time it was the most punk rock thing I’d ever seen, and I was 100% drawn in. Looking back, I just assume he was under the influence of some performance enhancing drugs. That fall was at least 25 feet. I rock climbed during college and took a number of sideways 15 foot falls onto pads and that shit hurts. 25 Feet is near the death ceiling.

The second memory from that concert has been burned into my memory forever. My favorite band when I was 15 was The Ataris, because my cousin David introduced me to them. They played The Warped Tour that year. I was so excited to see them for the first time. We couldn’t get too close to the stage because the set Josh and I saw earlier was slightly too close to the start of The Ataris set. We ended up standing just past the end of the pit. The set was great. I loved it. The part of the set that I will always remember is the moment that a crowd surfing girl came over me. I reached up to support her, and it just so happened that my right hand ended up trapped on her right breast. She leaned over her shoulder and glared at me. I immediately yelled, “I’m sorry!” She didn’t seem to accept my apology. I felt guilty immediately. And that’s the story of the time I touched my first over the shirt boob.

3) The Aquabats –The Aggie – 2005ish

At this point in my life, I’d seen The Aquabats at least three times. If you’re not aware, The Aquabats are a ska band that dresses up in superhero costumes, and the supporting bands they tour with dress up as villains, and throughout The Aquabats set they fight each other. Its super fun and The Aquabats are well known for being a “clean” band. Like, they allegedly kicked Travis Barker, famed drummer of Blink 182, out because he had too many tattoos.

All of that was just to set up a story. The day after an Auqabats show, I told my mother about it. She told me that she thought that was interesting and would like to go to an Aquabats concert the next time they came through town. I saw that they were coming through town in a few months, and I figured, “It’s the Aquabats. This can’t get too weird.” So I invited my mom. But boy was I wrong. That night got extra weird.

I don’t know exactly what happened. I didn’t talk to my mom about it for a few years afterwards. I didn’t even tell this story to my friends for at least 6 years. All I remember is being on the floor of the concert. I think it was between the second act and the Aquabats. My mother and I were standing about 6-8 ft away from a very drunk man and his friend. They were having an argument.Take a minute to guess what that argument was about. I will bet you $1000 dollars that if you haven’t heard this story before you will never guess. Seriously, take a minute. Maybe call your friends, and make bets with them. You’re all going to be wrong.

The very drunk man was insisting that he could put his own balls in his mouth.  His friend insisted that he couldn’t, because no one can. That was the moment in my life that I watched a grown man drop his pants, grab his balls in his hands, bend over, and place said balls directly in his mouth. It was wild. They were just so fucking… stretchy. That legit honest to God happened in a concert venue, and the man in question didn’t even get thrown out. My mother and I didn’t discuss it for years.

You would understand if you’d seen it. They just stretched so far. Like imagine how far you think balls could possibly stretch and triple it. I’m not talking sack either. It was full on balls. It was insane. Imagine having to see that with your mom when you are like 17. I called my mom tonight and we discussed it.  This is a thing that happened for real.

4.) Latterman

Starlight 2015- were one of the openers to a Lawrence Arms tour that I saw

This band came out with no illusions or expectations. One of the first things that I remember them doing was asking the sound guy to turn down their monitors because “if this is what everyone else is hearing, I’m sorry. We aren’t used to playing shows with monitors.” They murdered that show. I bought their albums on ITunes, and I still listen to them on Spotify.

They were one of the first bands I heard live and started listening to on my own.  I think they’re broken up now, but their second and third albums are beautiful if you’re into that kind of thing.

5) The Lawrence Arms, Forever and Always

This one is kind of cheating because it isn’t just one concert. It’s a few chance things,  meetings, and a bunch of concerts over a bunch of years. I got introduced to Punk Rock by my cousin. If that hadn’t happened maybe I wouldn’t have been friends with the kids I met at Preston Junior High.

That carried on through high school. Seeing the Lawrence Arms, or off shoots of them comprised of at least 15 concerts in 5 cities over 11 years. For me, loving this band is years of finding people that love the same band as you, going to see a show with them wherever you live, singing along for the entire night, drinking too many beers, and hugging the people that mean the most to you while listenting to music that also means a lot to you.

Loving this band is also meeting a new coworker, having your first real conversation with him, and hearing him say “my favorite band is this kind of little band from Chicago.” Then you press him for the name of that band, and you can pull your shirt aside to show him a tattoo of that particular band’s logo. It’s also having matching tattoos with at least four people you know, and then meeting at least twenty people who have similar tattoos over the next few years.

No show will ever be better than a smallish venue with 400 people who all know the words nailing the sing-a longs to Brickwall Views and Ramblin’ Boys of Pleasure. Some people will be a little off, because a lot of people will be more than a little drunk. The band included.  But it’s the best. Some of my favorite moments have involved hugging friends and screaming Lawrence Arms lyrics at them while the actual Lawrence Arms were singing the same lyrics at me. That shit gets me to this day.

I don’t go to many shows these days, but the ones I’ve been to are always going to be present in my heart. I’ve had some weird ass nights when I saw some really strange things, and I’ve had some beautiful nights with the best people. Y’all stay golden.

My Four Most Memorable Concerts in Chronological Order