This is a thing about moving to Pittsburgh. I’ve tried to write this three times, but I never quite got to where I wanted to. I think the problem I’ve had is that I don’t actually want this to be only about moving to Pittsburgh. I want to talk about my family, my old apartment, and a couple of other things .I never thought I would move out of Fort Collins, but here I am three years later. I think the best place to start is the first time I moved out of my parents place.

I was twenty years old. My brother was about to go live in the dorms at Colorado State. I had been attending CSU for about two years at that point, and I didn’t want him to beat me at moving out. I found a place with a couple of friends, and we moved in. It was shitty, but it was ours. 730 Tyler Street. We had a lot of fun there.

Right before we moved in I remember being at the 7-11 on Prospect and Lemay with my Dad. It was an emotional moment. We fight a little bit, because we are very much the same person, and we always have been. I don’t remember exactly what we were arguing about, but I’m sure it was because I was being a cocky 20 year old.

My dad and I got out of the car. I’ll never forget what happened next. He looked at me and said something along the lines of “I’m sorry. You moving out has been harder for me than I thought it would be.” That was the first time I remember seeing my dad cry. I talked to my mom about this today, and she was apparently unaware that this had happened. Sorry to blow your cover, dad. It was a moment I didn’t appreciate until a few years later.

I lived at a number of places while I was in Fort Collins. My favorite was definitely the apartment I shared with my brother while he was in grad school. That’s also the last apartment I lived in during my stay in Fort Collins.. My parent’s were nice enough to help me move out of it. I was in no way prepared to do it, so it was probably a lot more work than they were expecting.

Once we got everything packed, I took a minute to go see if “we cleared everything out.” Really I just wanted to go inside and have a minute to say goodbye to my favorite place I’d ever lived. I mostly just walked around and cried. It was a real end of an era kind of thing.

I spent my last night as a Fort Collins resident in my childhood bedroom. It was a long night. The next morning I had to say goodbye to my parents. That wasn’t that hard, I could at least pretend to be okay. Then I had to say goodbye to their dog.  Kneeling down and saying goodbye to little Riley was fucking rough. I knew there was no way I could explain to him what was happening. That was heartbreaking. I know it’s silly because he’s a dog, but I did a really got job of keeping it together until I had to say goodbye to him. He still does a really good job of excitedly attacking me whenever he sees me, so I don’t think he has any hard feelings.

I only drove a little way down the road before I pulled over. I had a wall of emotions to deal with before I got on the highway. I pulled a U Haul for 23 hours over the next two days. I didn’t know anyone in Pittsburgh before I moved there, so I had to call a moving company to get some help unloading all my things. The night before I got there I pulled off and checked into a motel, because I realized that even if I made it into my place, I would have to sleep on the floor. My mattress was packed all the way in the back of my Uhaul, and there was no way I was getting it out alone. That was my first night in Pennsylvania. I slept in some shitty ass motel just across the Ohio border.

I’ve lived here for three years now, and I feel a lot of ways about it.

I love the city of Pittsburgh. I love it more than I love living here. If that’s makes any sense. This city is super fun and there are always things to do. I’ve done a terrible job of making friends, but I also haven’t been super out going. Pittsburgh and I have spent some rough times together. One of the worst weekends of my recent life was here. If you know me well enough to read this, then you probably know what I’m talking about. That was rough. It was the second time I’ve told my brother that someone we cared about passed away.

Luckily, I’m just a short walk from a riverside view of what has become one of my favorite skylines in the country. I’ve got a little spot I like to go to and look over the city I live in now. It’s really just a sidewalk, but it’s my current favorite place. It’s beautiful. You can see all of downtown and all of the lights. It might not be the safest place to be alone at night, but it’s probably my favorite place to be.

My friends might not be here, but I am. My family might not be here, but I am. I’m going to keep trying to see what this city has to offer. Before I leave this place I’m going to let it chew me up and spit me out. I’m going to smoke this city to the filter. Pittsburgh is dope, and I’m going all in.

Hey, Steel City, let’s get weird. I’m going to make you love me as much as I love you.